If I ever wanted to be completely truthful with anyone – if I really wanted them to understand a little about my mind – I would tell them about my worst quality. I flake. I am a flaker. I’m flakey.
Okay.. that sounds just nasty.
But, honestly, I flake. I can’t tell if it is just my personality or my subconscious secretly wanting to destroy me, but it is a quality ever so prevalent in my person – a quality that brings me great shame.
To be quite blunt, it is a quality that haunts all of humanity. And it is one that should seriously be considered and fought. The danger behind it is like the intensity of an eyebrow furrow from a disgruntled mentor watching a student remain static in their lesson.
Even in that simile is there hints of flakiness – a student who dedicates themselves to lessons, but never seems to practice outside of them. People can be the most ambitious, determined people in the history of people themselves, but still be flakey. While many of you may be thinking, “Oh, I am definitely not flakey,” I promise you, the shark is hiding within you. You can’t see it, but slowly it eats away at the very core of your mind.
An ENFJ, my personality type, “may start projects but be unable to finish them.” This is what I am talking about. Remove everything in your life that is calculated: your work, your schooling, your sleeping, etc. Look instead at aspects of your life that are controlled only by your own will. How much time do you put into the development of your character, outside hobbies, and developing of relationships with others. To truly become happy, these are the qualities on must focus on. You can have incredible grades, a successful job, money out the wazoo, and a great reputation. But, once you strip everything materialistic away – all of the methods used to increase one’s cocky inner selfish beast – and think about what else you are living for.
Are you studying for the progression of knowledge, personally or generally? Are you doing things that work to improve your mind, and benefit the immediate future of our mother Earth? Are you living for something bigger than yourself?
Are you working to avoid clichés like “something bigger than yourself?”
Just recently at a reception for a college organization, someone asked me, “If you had 1,000,000 dollars, what would you spend it on?” Now, this is a cliché question, of course I know this. But, before I could answer, he added, “And you cannot spend it on yourself or your family.” While this doesn’t seem, at first, as a massive transition of thought, a few moments of consideration for its answer will change your mind. After my few moments, I was taken aback and suddenly humbled. Was there anything, any bigger purpose I had true passion for? Something I cared enough about to give power to (for money truly is power) while, also, reaping little to no benefit.
This uncertainty led me to realize how little time I spent on things that didn’t result in a grade, a pat on the back, or attention. My intentions, regardless of their intensity, fall within a few weeks.
This blog itself appeals to this detrimental facet in my personality. I intended for this to be great. A place where I could express myself, touch others, and grow within. But, once again, I sunk back into my habits – get what needs to get done. And, what needs to get done always falls within the calculated category where their completion results in reward. A.K.A not this blog.
Now, I must.. we all must work towards progress without a reliance on reward.
Then I wouldn’t be flakey, which would be good, because no one likes flakey things. People don’t even like that word. Eww flakey.
Do you want to be like all crusty and just flaking all over the place? Uh, no. You don’t. Gross.
Just a Little Bit of Everything 