This is Not Going to be a Post About Getting Hurt

Never life is what seem you.. Uh, hold on. I meant: Never is life seem what you. Oh goodness. Ehh hem. One second.

*Breathe . . . Focus*

Life is never what it seems.

I have lived quite a bit, even though my years on good ol’ planet Earth have been short. And, throughout the heartache and tradgedy, I have consistenly struggled with my opinion of people – which I am sure happens to all of us at one point or another.

I blame others for my sorrow and pain. I am never responsible, for my hurt rests solely on the shoulders of those who have wronged me. These people are sick and twisted; they thrive off of a distrubing want to oust my happiness.. my sanity.. for their own personal gain. (Hold in the gasps, my dark words will be coutered soon – forgive me!)

Wow, I hate people.”

Honestly – no shame – I have said this time and time again, and I have meant it.

But, after once again experiencing a time of all-consuming sorrow, I can’t bring myself to say this anymore.

After a week of self-reflection and consideration, I have come to this conclusion. We are here – we all are here – to discover, learn, love, and live. We have passion, drive, and determination for living. And through these efforts to live, we find ourselves caring for certain aspects of life. These include:

1. Love
2. Education
3. Friendship
4. Food
5. Food
6. Food
7. Personal Hobbies
   1. Music
   2. Books
   3. BLOGGING WEEEE
   4. Fashion
   5. Technology
8. Sleep
9. Organization
10. I don’t know.. something else cool

Now we may not care for all of these aspects, and we may care for some things more than others, but we all care about something. We get up in the morning for one of these reasons. Some may get up to see the person they dream about. Some may get up to go into their lab and discover the world. Others may get up to lounge around and appreciate the comfort of relaxation. But, underneath it all, we all get out of bed, make decisions, think, and act for what we care about. Sometimes, what one may care about at the time clashes with others. This clashing most often affects another negatively. But, that is no one’s fault but mother nature. We try to live our lives in a way that will best benefit what we care about – what we live for. And this fact alone makes humanity so resilient.. even if some may get hurt along the way.

We all get hurt. We all hurt others. But we are all living for the same reason.

Because we care.

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And for that, I forgive you all.

An Inconsistent Mass of Inspirational Thoughts about Consistency

If I ever wanted to be completely truthful with anyone – if I really wanted them to understand a little about my mind – I would tell them about my worst quality. I flake. I am a flaker. I’m flakey.

Okay.. that sounds just nasty.

But, honestly, I flake. I can’t tell if it is just my personality or my subconscious secretly wanting to destroy me, but it is a quality ever so prevalent in my person – a quality that brings me great shame.

To be quite blunt, it is a quality that haunts all of humanity. And it is one that should seriously be considered and fought. The danger behind it is like the intensity of an eyebrow furrow from a disgruntled mentor watching a student remain static in their lesson.

Even in that simile is there hints of flakiness – a student who dedicates themselves to lessons, but never seems to practice outside of them. People can be the most ambitious, determined people in the history of people themselves, but still be flakey. While many of you may be thinking, “Oh, I am definitely not flakey,” I promise you, the shark is hiding within you. You can’t see it, but slowly it eats away at the very core of your mind.

An ENFJ, my personality type, “may start projects but be unable to finish them.” This is what I am talking about. Remove everything in your life that is calculated: your work, your schooling, your sleeping, etc. Look instead at aspects of your life that are controlled only by your own will. How much time do you put into the development of your character, outside hobbies, and developing of relationships with others. To truly become happy, these are the qualities on must focus on. You can have incredible grades, a successful job, money out the wazoo, and a great reputation. But, once you strip everything materialistic away – all of the methods used to increase one’s cocky inner selfish beast – and think about what else you are living for.

Are you studying for the progression of knowledge, personally or generally? Are you doing things that work to improve your mind, and benefit the immediate future of our mother Earth? Are you living for something bigger than yourself?

Are you working to avoid clichés like “something bigger than yourself?”

Just recently at a reception for a college organization, someone asked me, “If you had 1,000,000 dollars, what would you spend it on?” Now, this is a cliché question, of course I know this. But, before I could answer, he added, “And you cannot spend it on yourself or your family.” While this doesn’t seem, at first, as a massive transition of thought, a few moments of consideration for its answer will change your mind. After my few moments, I was taken aback and suddenly humbled. Was there anything, any bigger purpose I had true passion for? Something I cared enough about to give power to (for money truly is power) while, also, reaping little to no benefit.

This uncertainty led me to realize how little time I spent on things that didn’t result in a grade, a pat on the back, or attention. My intentions, regardless of their intensity, fall within a few weeks.

This blog itself appeals to this detrimental facet in my personality. I intended for this to be great. A place where I could express myself, touch others, and grow within. But, once again, I sunk back into my habits – get what needs to get done. And, what needs to get done always falls within the calculated category where their completion results in reward. A.K.A not this blog.

Now, I must.. we all must work towards progress without a reliance on reward.

Then I wouldn’t be flakey, which would be good, because no one likes flakey things. People don’t even like that word. Eww flakey.

Do you want to be like all crusty and just flaking all over the place? Uh, no. You don’t. Gross.